Day 109: Singing recital!

What went well? 

1. Had my singing recital today, and it went really well and so many (ten!!!! ahh so exciting!!) friends came to support me!!!! Here are the videos: Ah! non credea mirarti & Ach, ich fühl's.
2. Ended up bumping into two of my friends to came to my recital at HipCityVeg where I went with another friend afterwards, and we hung out together over dinner and had a great conversation about singing, then hung out for a bit more after dinner. It was awesome!!! We are all planning to hang out again together.
3. Decided I want to do more with my singing, so am entering the SAPACS in July in Auckland. Even though I missed the late entry date by a week, the organiser is allowing me to enter. Also, I really appreciate my singing teacher's efforts in helping me to figure out my repertoire for these competitions.

What did I learn? 

• The economics of Buddhism is an underresearched field.
• The American religion view that spiritual life is more important than the material may be a culturally specific view. A lot of Buddhists don't see the problem with commodification and commercialisation - e.g. selling amulets, Buddhist amusement parks, offerings at shrines. The commodification and commercialisation of Buddhism isn't destroying, selling or polluting the religion, but doing what the religion says by helping people e.g. providing them with jobs.

Day 108: Homeostasis

What went well? 

1. Started off the day with a run, and it was really peaceful out.
2. Got coffee again this morning, and it kept me focused all day. Combined with the homeostatic regulation of study I guess (given that I did very little yesterday). Anyway, I finished writing the (draft) of the second section too, so am now at 23 pages, and need to write up the last section - implications etc., tomorrow (or technically "tonight" since it's past midnight), then will have a whole day on Tuesday to do a thorough cut & edit. So it's going!
3. Got a lovely email from my mum. I appreciate her mindfulness of me (yes, I'm totally bringing back 17th century quaint usages of mindfulness as consideration, memory, and regard!).
4. Got more RSVPs for my singing recital, so am looking forward to that.

What did I learn? 

• Caffeine is amazing. That is all.

Day 107: A social day!

What went well? 

1. Bumped into a friend at HubBub (cafe) this morning when I was grabbing a coffee and intending to reason my way through my arguments for my paper. Her friend wasn't able to meet her anymore so we ended up catching up over coffee and had a fantastic conversation! It was great to get to know her better, and such a nice way to start the day. Also, HubBub coffee is great.
2. Went and saw a bit of the Penn Relays with another new friend. As we entered, someone gave us their tickets to pretty much the best seats (we had free tickets as Penn students, but their tickets were worth $42) so that was really nice of them. When we left, we paid it forward to a couple of other students by passing those tickets on. Also, the weather cleared up really nicely and the sun was so nice.
3. Had another great D&M with another friend at our "study party" this evening (2 hours of study, 3 hours of chat :P). I just can't express how much I value substantive conversations. It's stimulating, rejuvenating, rewarding, deepens relationships, and puts everything into perspective.
4. Refined my argument a bit, and I'm less mrahhhh now! :)
5. It looks like lots of people will be coming to my singing recital! So that's exciting.

What did I learn? 

• I'm ok with having an unproductive day (in terms of getting work done) when the time has been spent in other good ways (i.e. with people and cultivating relationships). Being unproductive is only stressful when you are being destructively unproductive (e.g., lamenting over how unproductive I'm being or trying to push through even when the brain says no) rather than doing other healthy activities (e.g., taking breaks, exercising, socialising). Because now I feel ready to get back into this paper tomorrow. It's coming along. I'm at about 18 pages of solid writing/argument (still to be cut down) and 20 pages of notes/word vomit to process or delete.

Day 106: Mraaaaaaahhhhh

What went well?

1. Skyped my parents. This is possibly the first substantive (i.e. beyond "hey, how's it going) conversation I had all week. People are important. Especially family. I haven't been social enough (i.e. at all) this week.
2. Singing practice went well, and I'm feeling good about my upcoming recital, and looking forward to sharing it with my friends. That's the thing about diversifying sources of self-esteem. Even when certain things aren't going so well (my paper; it's back to mraaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh), at least I still (think I) sound good!!
3. Gave someone laundry detergent (because someone had used theirs all up, and I'm not going to use all of it by the end of semester). Again, another source of self-esteem - trying to live in congruence with my values. Having a bad day? Help someone out!
4. Have now memorised the whole Pali passage for the Buddhism final. Now just need to reproduce it a few times a day in the lead-up to maintain it in my memory.

What did I learn? 

• I get miserable when I haven't had substantial conversations with people for even a few days. Remember, friends buffer against stress!
• It is difficult to think clearly when frustrated. I hit a roadblock with my paper and just need to reason my way through it - but that does take some grit and deep work, which is uncomfortable.
• Having extended blocks of open time does not guarantee that work will get done.

Day 99: Opera Scenes!

What went well? 

1. There was a lab meeting on positive education today, and the headmaster of St Peter's College, Adelaide came and spoke. It was uplifting to hear the heart behind his work. Even more, Professor Seligman shared some profound insights about positive psychology. It is so special to be at the centre of this.
2. The Rodin Opera Scenes concert went really well!! Got really positive feedback from people, and I really enjoyed it.
3. My friend from high school arrived, and I'm enjoying catching up and hanging out with her!
4. We got IRB approval for our positive intervention study, so we'll be launching that soon!

What did I learn? 

• Professor Seligman thinks that the test of ideas should be whether the real world takes it up. This is why positive psychology and positive education have been such successful ideas, where other seemingly academically sound and good ideas have died. Positive psychologists are out there in the world, working with practitioners and making it accessible and relevant.

Day 98: This is what music is about

What went well?

1. Went to a talk this morning at the PPC on "The Sounds of Kindness: Observing Positive Interpersonal Behavior in Everyday Life". I was totally mind-blown by the talk and all the possibilities it revealed. Basically, Matthias Mehl at the University of Arizona has pioneered the EAR (Electronically Activated Recorder) as a new method - it's a label microphone connected to an device that records random snippets of the sounds of everyday life. You can deduce a lot of things from the sounds the participant is surrounded by - where they are, what they're doing, who they're talking to, what kind of interaction it is, what kinds of words they're using, what they're feeling, how much they talk, etc., etc. I'm so excited for the potential for this new method to bypass a lot of the limitations of questionnaire measures, and to complement them too. I really hope to use it in my research in the future!
2. Opera Scenes Dress Rehearsal was great!! It was so cool to see everyone else's scenes. Some of the acting was just hilarious. Oh my god, we have some seriously good actors in the midst. Annnnnd...in my duet, we kinda moved our pianist to tears. And she is embarrassed to have cried at Monteverdi, given that she studies later music (post-1840s). So, I took that as a good sign and a huge compliment!!!! I'm so excited for the performance tomorrow night.
3. My friend from high school confirmed that she will be visiting me from Indiana (where she's studying) this weekend!

What did I learn?

• Women are NOT more talkative than men. The book, "The Female Brain" made some completely unsubstantiated claim that "A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000", but Mehl and his colleagues went through their EAR recordings and found that both sexes used about 16,000 words a day, and that sure, women spoke about 500 more words, but this difference was not statistically significant. Also, the three most talkative participants in that sample were males. Neurosexist myth debunked! Interestingly though, in self-reports, women report being more talkative than men. It just goes to show the force of cultural and societal expectations and norms, and the difference between self-concept and observed behaviour.
• Kindness comes as a package, or "Kindness cluster": Empathy, Affection, Gratitude, Praise, Optimism. People who show more of one, tend to show more of the others.
• People who show more everyday kindness laugh more and experience more positive emotion, and more meaningful social connectivity (socialising, disclosure conversations, and substantive conversations). But, everyday kindness seems to be uncorrelated with stress, depression, and life satisfaction.
• Mehl and colleagues are using the EAR to study the "Sounds of Compassion" - whether a compassion meditation course actually affects daily behaviour. So exciting.

Day 97: So much elevation

What went well? 

1. We finished off a film in Buddhism about this Thai monk who raises novices who have been orphaned or whose families are too poor to look after them. It was amazing to see the work he was doing in cultivating positive mental qualities and life skills in the kids and giving them opportunities that they would not have had. Really inspirational.
2. In the positive psychology lecture today, we watched The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. Oh my god. Words cannot describe how inspirational, uplifting and elevating this was. It was actually kinda intense - I literally cried at one point, and was pretty preoccupied for the rest of the afternoon. Randy Pausch absolutely embodied positive psychology in every single way in the way he lived his life. He left behind an amazing legacy, both in his work and in the example he led. WATCH IT!!!!! That is all.
3. Choir concert recordings came out. You can listen to my solo here.

What did I learn? 

• Too much inspirational stimulation is also kinda emotionally intense and tiring.
• Kids can flourish and develop in amazing ways when you push them and challenge them beyond their comfort zones - combined with love.

Day 94: Sunshine and smiles

What went well? 

1. Ancient Voices concert went really well. It was the best we'd sung the pieces. After my 10-minute test on Wednesday, that'll be one subject down!
2. Hung out with my friend afterwards and went for a long walk to the art museum & back. We admired the cherry blossoms there and on campus (and also the squirrels. always squirrels.). It was so energising! And a GLORIOUS day. Again. Sunshine and 27 degrees celsius (Hello, NZ summer!) with a warm breeze.



Crazy selfie






Wind






Sunshine! I look ridiculously happy in this photo. 

3. Got a reply from the guy who gave the talk a couple weeks back about how digital tools can help bootstrap Chinese learning. He gave some really helpful suggestions and kindly offered to help me with the process and invited me to stay in touch! I'm actually pretty excited about this now, and I've realised that it's all about making learning personally meaningful by getting down to the why of why you want to develop a skill, and the specific content that is interesting and useful for you. I'm glad that digital tools can bypass a lot of boring stuff and help me get straight to translating stuff about positive psychology and mindfulness back and forth from Chinese & English. This is another thing I have gained from Penn - just by going to this talk, I got inspired to improve my Chinese - and I had no strong intentions of doing so prior to that! Interconnectedness is an amazing thing. If this didn't happen, then that wouldn't have happened...etc.
4. Got another 1600 words on the page for my Buddhism paper.

What did I learn? 

• This choir can pull it together really well. I think in the end, singing is a lot to do with attention. We often made mistakes during rehearsals, but were great in concert, and I think it is to do with the fact that we were all on the ball today.
• My level of Chinese has a term - "kitchen Chinese" - "i.e. a good basic mastery of the language and good pronunciation and tones, but just lacking a lot of specialized and "adult" vocabulary".

Day 91: Flow

What went well? 

1. Made a lot of progress on my mindfulness/positive psychology paper. Built my conceptual model, analysed what social-emotional skills different positive psychology lessons cultivate, and wrote another 900 words. It's coming along! But I'll get back to it next Thursday and really immerse myself in my Buddhism paper over the next week. Hopefully, a first draft of the Buddhism paper will be done by next Wednesday, and a first draft of the mindfulness paper done by next Sunday. This is doable.
2. Went to a free dinner held by the Penn Vegan Society. It was amazing. The chefs (from Penn's catering company) were talking about what they prepared, and I was so impressed by their thoughtfulness. It was a really wonderful experience, and I really enjoyed the conversations I had over dinner too.
3. Singing practice went well today.

What did I learn? 

• How to make a really easy vegan snack - literally blending raisins & walnuts together, then making balls/bars.
• Ramsburg & Youmans (2013) found that "Meditation Training Improves Student Knowledge Retention during Lectures".

Day 90: Spring is here!

What went well? 

1. Woke up to an update from my mentor on our journal article topic - we're actually going to be reviewing a whole bunch of different approaches to student wellbeing, more broadly, and hopefully bringing together a disparate field and providing some conceptual clarity. Really exciting.
2. Today was such a warm, sunny and beautiful day. I took a moment to appreciate these flowers in bloom:
 
3. Got my sociology of mental illness test back and found that my minimalist strategy of only attending lectures, not doing the readings, and cramming for the test the day before works very well - I did even better than the first test, when I was actually keeping up with the readings. Grade inflation is your friend.
4. Opera Scenes rehearsal was SO fun. We were trying out a few different interpretations that we'd thought of, and tried synthesising aspects from each of them. My duet partner's ideas were so creative and really fun to act out. I won't reveal any more details at this stage, but will post the video after the concert next week. But it should be good!!! Super excited.
5. Wrote another 1200 words on my mindfulness/positive psychology paper, and started building my conceptual model. ALSO. The deadline got pushed back 2 weeks, which creates a lot more space. It's kinda ridiculous to be honest, but also somewhat unsurprising. It is a relief though because it means that it's due in 4 weeks, not 2 weeks, so I have a lot more time to really write something that I can be proud of.
6. This made me laugh like a maniac. Granted, it doesn't take much to make me laugh like a maniac, but I found this particularly hilarious.

What did I learn? 

• Cream of coconut is not the same as coconut cream. I grabbed the cans off the shelves without reading the label, and it turns out that it was some highly sweetened coconut-based substance that was designed for use in desserts and cocktails. Woops. Anyhow, I went ahead and made a "curry" with it, and let's just say that it's still "edible" (by my low standards of "edibility"). Biggest cooking fail so far, but oh well!
• Buddhist attitudes to abortion. Basically, they see it as murder, but not in the sense of a morally repugnant act or a sin. Just simply that it's taking away the extremely rare opportunity to lead a human life and therefore a rare shot at working towards awakening. Also, it creates Selves - to see the foetus as separate from the mother. Despite this, they found that in Japan, they had extremely high abortion rates in the 1960s - over 50%!! Yet when interviewed, they said that it was a horrible decision, they felt like terrible people, they regretted. But then, when asked if they would have another abortion if they needed to, they said yes! What the heck was going on here? I'm not sure if this answers that question, but in Japan, they have elaborate rituals (Mizuko Kuyo - for stillborn, miscarried & aborted foetuses), like funerals, for aborted foetuses. The foetus gets named, and grieved over, and buried in a foetus cemetery. It's about acknowledging its existence and maintaining an awareness of the choices involved and the new relationship that has resulted from these choices, instead of denying that anything ever happened. And people, including those who can't have children, visit these cemeteries and give offerings and prayers to the dead children, honouring them and elevating them nearly to the status of gods. The conclusion the professor made was that in this way, religion provides an emotional resource - the space to say, "existence isn't going so well for me, and I need a little help". Things that we think are an inconsequential part of religion - like certain rituals and symbols - actually provide grounding in the world. To end the lecture series (we'll be watching a film & doing another debate to end the course), he concluded that perhaps the study of religion isn't so much about truth and belief - but rather about the idea that we are not alone.

Day 87: Just research, only research

I had an objectively boring day! Just working on my Buddhism paper. But that's ok, since I had plenty of fun last night and Friday night.

What went well? 

1. There was brunch at Stouffer today and there was so much fruit. Pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries. I think I got enough vitamins for the week! Really appreciated the GA's effort in organising the brunch.
2. Watched a few videos of various stagings of Pur ti miro, the duet I'm performing for Opera Scenes. The great thing about having singing as a serious hobby is that it's a productive form of procrastination! That is, it's enjoyable and a good brain break, but still "productive".

What did I learn? 

• Not a whole lot - I was basically re-reading the notes I'd already made, since you really do forget stuff you read a month or two ago...and a good paper is all about the nuances and connections that you're able to make when you can hold and play with several ideas in your mind at once.
• The brain pill in Limitless actually exists. And the results ain't pretty...I'm really intrigued by where neuroenhancers will go in the future, and what the public acceptability of them will be. Dr Olivia Carter wrote a really interesting column on this issue back in 2011, "Drugs to enhance us will enchant us … especially if there are no side effects". I guess my main fear is of a psychopharmacological "arms race". But it does make me wonder about human potential. Very hypothetically, what if there actually was a magic pill that could make everyone reach their full potential (intellectually, socially, emotionally, spiritually) and improve society? A pill for peace? Lol. Random ramblings.

Day 83: Hilarious adventures in singing/acting

What went well? 

1. Had the most hilarious rehearsal for Opera Scenes. We were trying out different "story lines" for our characters, and one of the scenarios was me being super intense and obsessive and my lover being kinda creeped out by it. Her [she's singing the role of a guy] expression at one point cracked me up and everyone just started laughing so much. It was the funniest thing ever and I was literally in tears of laughter.
2. Buddhism lecture, interesting, awesome and provocative as usual.
3. Professor Duckworth gave some extremely insightful advice in her positive psychology lecture today, that has actually changed the way I think about writing papers. It was profound. Basically, based on a paper (David, M. S. (1971). That's interesting!: Towards a phenomenology of sociology and a sociology of phenomenology. Philosophy of the Social Sciences, 309-344), there is a formula for writing an interesting article/essay. Interesting findings or theories contradict accepted facts, beliefs, or opinions. Interest lies in novelty. So the basic structure for an interesting piece of writing would follow a format like this:
• It has long been thought that…
• But this is false because…
• Here is the evidence that this is false…
• The practical implications of this discovery are…

What did I learn? 

• Like any religion, Buddhism can, and has, resulted in violence. Attachment to any views does that.
• You know, the WWW exercise really does work. When I started writing this blog post I was in a really, really bad mood because I actually had quite a mindless day, so I lost my key to my room (so will have to get a lock change). But reflecting on the good and the laughter from the day made me laugh again, and bring some perspective and affective balance back. Overcoming the negativity bias requires active work, but it's kinda more rational - a lot of good stuff did happen today, after all, and that shouldn't be outweighed by a mishap. So, I just changed the title of this post from "Ugh" to "Hilarious adventures in singing/acting".

Day 81: Early April Fools

What went well? 

1. Experienced elevation during my intro Buddhism class. Haidt (2003) coined this term, which describes "a positive emotion experienced upon witnessing another person perform a virtuous act, principally one that improves the welfare of other people" (Schnall, Roper, & Fessler, 2010, p. 315). Typically, people experiencing elevation will report that they feel inspired and uplifted, and motivated to perform a similarly prosocial act themselves. The "virtuous act" I witnessed in this case, was simply hearing an inspirational story about a couple in some South-East Asian who run a restaurant and get up every morning at 4am and finish around 8pm, working Monday-Saturday. They close shop on Sunday because there's not enough business - BUT - they then lug all their equipment to the monastery and repeat their routine there on Sundays, donating all the food for free to the monastery, to all the monks and anyone who comes and needs food. So awesome.
2. Someone was handing out copies of the Daily Pennsylvanian (the student paper) on Locust Walk today. I thought it was a particularly hilarious issue, but laughed even more when I realised that it was actually their annual joke issue (by going to their website). Like, I totally believed stuff like this was actually real. It would have been awesome if it was!! I was completely caught off-guard because April Fools is meant to be tomorrow!! Still, a great dose of humour.
3. Sketched out another mind map to get some clarity about my Buddhism/Mindfulness paper. These things help a lot, even while illustrating the complexity of things. I forgot to use this technique (jotting down key themes) as I was reading along, and it would have helped a lot because you do forget things you read earlier.



Messssssy.....

What did I learn? 

• Some cool ornaments for a piece I'm singing!
• People with more social support are overall less likely to enter treatment for mental illness, but if they have a serious mental illness, then more social support means that they are more likely to enter treatment.

Day 80: Obsessed

What went well? 

1. Had lunch with a friend, and had a good conversation about singing, Penn culture (hypothesis: students are frazzled because they are so motivated and ambitious) and new trends in accommodation...e.g. micro-apartments...
2. Put together my comparison table for my mindfulness in education paper, comparing two mindfulness curriculums and a positive psychology curriculum. The next step is to get a clearer sense of how they can work together.
3. My reflection got posted on the UniMelb psychology website. I also really enjoyed reading all the other prizewinner's reflections. It's so interesting to read about how everyone got into psychology and to read about how passionate they all are.
4. I think just listening to Diana Damrau sing yesterday and watching La Sonnambula has helped me improve my practice with Ah! non credea a lot. I feel like I'm really starting to "get" the piece and the nuances in it, and I've only really just started working on it (literally one lesson so far!!). A lot can be accomplished when you're really obsessed with a piece (it is well and truly in my head all the time and I just want to sing it a lot)...and inspired.

What did I learn? 

• It's not so straightforward to try and put together a model of how mindfulness and positive psychology work together in education. They support each other and common goals in many ways, so there are many many connections on messy pages of notebook at the moment. More notebook method required.
• It's kinda hard picking up where I left off with a major research project. It's only been two days since I last did any work for my Buddhism paper, but it took awhile to figure out where to go with it tonight, and what to read. To overcome this issue in future, it's important to write an action step for the next session whenever I end a current session working on it. So, I have an action step telling me what to read next, which will be helpful. It cuts a lot of meandering and fluffing about and being paralysed by it.

Day 79: Diana Damrau is Perfection

What went well? 

1. Went to New York again to see La Sonnambula at the Metropolitan Opera. It was definitely the highlight of my week (along with Frozen, of course!). I initially booked my ticket purely because I wanted to see Diana Damrau perform, not because I knew anything about this opera, and it was totally worth it. I also happen to be working on a song from this opera now, so it was extra useful to see Diana perform it, and also to see it in context. I was completely awestruck by her performance. She has such complete mastery and command of her voice, and can sing in any position, even while dancing, without compromising the quality of the singing. She also has such a charismatic and elegant stage presence, and is an extremely soulful performer. Plus, she cartwheeled across the stage during Ah! non giunge (it's a very happy song)....it was so funny. I am such a fan. Just wow.
2. Went to a vegan place for lunch, just 5 minutes away from the Met Opera House. It was great, and still feels like such a luxury to have so much choice.
3. Started creating a Prezi for my class presentation on my research paper progress for my mindfulness class, and it was actually pretty fun. I love Prezi. I feel like it's a way to really creatively express ideas and draw connections. Here's a sneak peek:

What did I learn? 

• I gained a much deeper understanding of the background behind Ah! non credea, Amina's aria in La Sonnambula. There's nothing like actually seeing the show and the relationships between the characters and how the plot plays out, to understand what the song represents and what needs to be communicated within it.
• A meta-analysis by Zoogman, Goldberg, Hoyt, & Miller (2014) suggests that in young people, mindfulness has larger effects on psychological symptoms (e.g. anxiety, depression) than other outcomes (e.g. attention, mindfulness, quality of life, social skills), and that mindfulness has bigger effects on clinical than non-clinical populations.

Day 78: Hallelujah

What went well? 

1. Had a good lab meeting today. We got briefed on a new project - basically trying to make sense of all of the existing well-being measures that are out there, because there's so many, and some are better than others, and for different audiences. So we'll be compiling information on every measure out there that we can find.
2. Went back to the gym after a week off for cold recovery.
3. Had a good rehearsal with my duet partner for opera scenes.
4. The review of meditation programs in schools that my mentor in Melbourne sent me a few days ago was really helpful for my paper.

What did I learn? 

• The problem of not incentivising teaching in higher ed is quite a big one:
• "Sometimes, after all, your teacher’s slides are copied from Wikipedia to begin with. A junior in biochemistry told me his professor occasionally had difficulty understanding his own slides. Curious, a fellow student copied a sentence into Google. On one tortuously precise and wordy slide four consecutive sentences came straight out of a paragraph in Wikipedia. They were made into bullet points for appearance’s sake, but content and order remained untouched."
• A narrative about how Hallelujah rose to popularity. Found this interesting since this is the song I arranged, directed and sung for my school small house choir back in 2011, so it's one that's close to my heart.

Day 74: Scheduled

Today was intense! I was scheduled in stuff from 10am - 8pm with a 30 minute break, since I signed up for that extra credit opportunity for Buddhism:

Anyhow, I survived (thank you, coffee!) and still managed to get 3 hours of work done this evening.

What went well? 

1. Got through the day without running out of steam! Caffeine is a wonderful thing.
2. Got a blast from the past-type message from people in my Kidsline days. It was really lovely to hear from them.
3. I felt really engaged during my sociology of education class today. I hadn't been participating as actively in the discussions in the past few weeks, but felt like I had more to contribute today. The discussion was on detracking, and neo-traditional perspectives on the "mediocritization" of the US education system.
4. Had a good singing lesson - started Bellini's Ah! Non Credea, from La Sonnambula. Also had a nice conversation at the end about life...how no matter how much we (in this generation in particular) want to plan things out and strategise, it's never fully within our control, and once you've done everything you can, then universe kinda a way of making things work out as they're meant to. I think singing teachers are so much more than singing teachers. They are mentors and sources of wisdom about life.

What did I learn? 

• I would have saved myself SO MANY HOURS OF RESEARCH if I'd actually read about four articles in the special issue of Contemporary Buddhism on "Mindfulness: diverse perspectives on its meaning, origins, and multiple applications at the intersection of science and dharma" more closely (I'd only skimmed them) before I embarked on research. I mean, it's still fine, and useful to read them now, but I freaked out slightly when I realised that one of the articles (Gethin 2011: "On some definitions of mindfulness") had already said a lot of I was going to say, but then I thought about it and I am actually bringing in a bit more context, more tracing through various causal chains & conditions for its popularisation, and taking a more holistic approach, so it's really ok. It's definitely a useful article to point me to some leads to follow up on though.
• Some academics are actually interested in pedagogy! My sociology of education professor always says that academics are rarely interested in pedagogy/teacher education and look down on it, the assumption being that if you're an expert in your field, ergo, you can teach it. But today at the Future of Theravada Buddhism symposium, a large part of the discussion kept coming back to the idea of how to best teach it - chronologically or thematically - and get the right messages across (like the idea that there is no single "Buddhism", encouraging critical and more complex thinking), and selecting the best materials (books, readings), and teaching for different students. It was very encouraging to see that some academics do care about how to teach! Of course, maybe it's not so surprising that they have this heightened awareness of how their teaching impacts their students' learning, given that they are studying Buddhism after all.
• In Buddhism today, we heard stories about our professor's experience as a monk. And whoaaaaa, monkhood is so intense. That's an understatement. It's like military boot camp. They strip away your identity - take away your name (you get given a new one), your hair, your eyebrows (they define your face and express emotion), your clothes (then you get redressed with robes that you don't choose either), you follow a rigid schedule, you get given tasks to do, you follow over 200 rules, etc...all this is designed to take away decision-making and will, to help you break down the sense of the Self. And they went on alms rounds - the monks walk through the village with a begging bowl for food, once a day in the morning - where villagers can place food in the bowls. They're not allowed to acknowledge each other. So once you get back, you have to first look at the food for like 45 minutes, to experience what it's like to feel desire (you only eat once a day so you're kinda hungry by then), then you have to mush everything up in the bowl into a paste, and add water, and mush it up more. Mehhhhhhh. It's kinda :O as a Westerner to hear about just how intense actual monkhood (in very traditional Southeast Asian monasteries) would be.
• According to Brewer et al.'s (pretty old) study, there are winners and losers when it comes to tracking (sorting students based on ability and educating them differently). Students in average & above average tracks do better than if they were not tracked, whereas students in the below-average track do worse. This was to debunk a belief that tracking is just bad for those in the below-average track, but makes no difference for average & above-average students, ergo, detracking is the obvious option. It looks like it's not that simple. Of course, there were a lot of limitations to this study, one of which was that the only outcome variable was scores on a 10th grade math test, and of course, there are many other outcomes that we may care about.

Day 56: Guest speakers are great

What went well? 

1. Had a guest speaker in for Contemplative Sciences today, Dr Trish Broderick who designed the Learning to Breathe mindfulness curriculum for adolescents. Her insights into both the theory and the practicalities of implementing it were so valuable. It was the best class we've had so far for the course. I also got her to sign my book (manual) :P. Needless to say, I'm a fan of her work and look forward to seeing more research come out on this (there are a few published and a lot of ongoing research projects). This reminded me of something else Professor Duckworth mentioned yesterday in the guest lecture in positive psychology. One thing about being at Penn is that you get to hear from the experts themselves, rather than just a third-person summary of someone else's research. It's far more enlightening and nuanced this way.
2. Got a message from a friend wishing me a lovely spring break. I really appreciated it :)
3. I feel like I'm learning lots from research assisting. I've just started sorting through and organising a whole bunch of correspondence, noting details, questions, follow-up etc. relating to a measure of well-being that the post-doc I'm assisting has developed. It sounds mundane at a surface level, but the correspondence is actually really insightful. It reveals a lot about people's thought processes, what real-life research looks like, conflicts and good practices in research, what kind of information you should provide to people, and future directions.

What did I learn? 

• Research in schools is MESSY. Trish Broderick was telling us about the difficulties of 1. getting into schools and 2. getting the data in a non-messed-up way. Really useful to know because I really do want to research SEL programs in schools, so it's good to have a realistic perspective of what to expect.
• When getting school buy-in, it's really helpful to have something solid you can show them, like a physical curriculum/manual. Also, a lot of it is about understanding the school's culture and needs, and cultivating relationships to facilitate this.

Miscellaneous thoughts 

This is kinda from yesterday's Fellow's night, but also in general. Something that I've noticed is that professors, when asked how they ended up doing what they're doing now (at least 3-4 of them, anyway), seem to not really have a coherent "story" for how they got here. As in, they didn't seem to plan on it, it just kinda happened as a result of a series of events. This seems to be very different from the seemingly highly strategic approach that aspiring academics now take. Or maybe we're just kidding ourselves and the strategising and planning probably won't get us to where we think we'll be? Should millenials just drop the planning and go with the flow? It seems unlikely that that's a great idea that would actually work now, at least for academia.

Some thoughts on singing. I think it really teaches you a lot of things that are applicable to life in general.

For example, today I practiced after not practicing for two days, and eeeek it was not pretty or fun for the first 50 minutes, because the voice just needs a lot more encouragement after it's been asleep for even a couple of days. Despite having practiced every day last week. Anyway, I thought this was a nice illustration of the concept of karma. Karma isn't some mysterious spiritual force; it's just a natural law that certain actions will produce certain results. So, let's use singing as a simplistic example: lack of practice → sound like crap. However, this isn't a permanent state of affairs - it starts sounding less crap as soon as you start working at it again. So singing is an empowering practice in a sense, because you know that just as lack of practice → sound crap/not fun, practicing → sound good/singing is fun! 

Singing also illustrates impermanence, as well as the need to push through slumps and persevere. Some days (<5%) you're in really good voice, other times it's just good, average or even not that great. So singing is a lot about pushing through and learning how to sing through the average and below-average days, figuring out what you can do with the circumstances. It's not always fun! #grit

Thirdly, singing can help you get used to the feeling of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. That's something I'm trying to work on in singing and in life. But specifically, in singing, I'm exploring the full potential of my voice, as well as trying to add some stylistic features like operatic portamentos that feel a little weird/unnatural at the moment, like, "I'm not sure if I'm doing this right!" But hey, it's all about trying it out and giving it a go!

Finally, you can use your strengths to scaffold your progress in singing, as in life. For example, it's good practice to start with a "voice-setting song", a song that when you sing, just places your voice in the right position because it fits your voice so well and you've sung it with good technique so many times. This can help with subsequent songs. Can you think of an example of how you could use a pre-existing strength to help you meet another challenge/develop another quality?

Day 53: Best debate ever

What went well? 

1. Had our debate in intro Buddhism about what should happen to the pirate who raped a 12 year old girl who then killed herself. We were encouraged to interrupt and insult each other. Lol. I was in the "judge" group and we came up with a fourfold ruling consisting of (a) 10 years of monkhood for rehabilitation, (b) 5 years of community service after that for reparation, (c) public exposure via an international news interview for deterrence (by showing the painful effects of acting harmfully towards others - guilt, etc.), and (d) seven steps of reconciliation with the girl's mother, again to facilitate empathy and closure, and to reduce suffering. Our idea was to reduce suffering rather than to increase it, and to be guided by the principle of upekkha (equanimity/indifference) - to be compassionate towards everyone without distinction. Also, the idea that the pirate would reap his karmic consequences in time anyway. Anyhow, it was a great debate. Super lively, super emotional/dramatic, and I was super impressed by how well prepared each group was and how willing everyone was to engage in the debate. The winner was chosen by a vote (you couldn't vote for yourself) and we came in at a tie for second (one vote from first!!!). The point of the debate wasn't to discover the "right answer", but to recognise complexity & interconnectedness. Reflecting the nature of this experiential learning, the professor said in an email: "I run these chaotic debates for several reasons:


1. The process of debating doesn't lead to answers, in fact, it reveals samsara in action.
2. Debating creates selves. It is easy for us to say, "oh, I am compassionate," "I respect all views, religions, etc.: However, in a competition or in a debate with consequences, with serious issues, we often revert to "selves" and see the "others" as enemies. You might have even felt this physically. I wanted you to be frustrated. The point wasn't winning, it was experiencing the suffering of self-formation. This works the best when you first have to create an imaginary self (your character). 
3. Buddhist sutras work this way -- a problem is established and then many different characters, many different view points, many different scenarios are presented and the complexity of every problem is seen. This builds awareness of multiple points of view and lessens attachment, hopefully, to any one, including your own."



The professor furiously jotting down the (increasingly repetitive) arguments.



The TA made a wordcloud (frequency of words used) of our debate!!!! So awesome.

2. Got a lot of study done for my intro Buddhism mid-term, and am feeling good about where I am at the moment with that.

What did I learn? 

• Perception and beliefs have an insidious influence, and I am starting to realise that with my singing. I've never considered myself to have a "big" voice (well, objectively, I actually don't), but by thinking of myself as a "light lyric" soprano, or as having a "young voice" (also true), I think these ideas have made me somewhat hesitant to explore and stretch the full potential of my voice. I need to have the courage to be little bit risky and willing to take a chance, to pull out what I can so that I actually have something to work with. This was the key insight I got from my singing lesson today, and it was a valuable insight into my psychology as it relates to singing. Time for experimentation!
• There's a gender difference in depression of about a 2:1 female:male ratio, and this is fairly consistent globally. In countries with greater gender equity, the levels of depression are lower, but the ratio is even closer to 2:1 - perhaps better social conditions allow a "true" ratio to emerge. Suggests that there may be a strong biological component after all (though the details are still unknown). Really thought-provoking, since I've generally been skeptical about biological arguments about "hard-wired sex differences" since these are often used as arguments to reinforce situations of gender inequality (check out Dr Cordelia Fine's writings on this matter).

Miscellaneous thoughts 

• It's occurred to me that one thing that's somewhat quaint/archaic here at Penn is that most of the classrooms that I've seen so far are equipped with blackboards, rather than whiteboards!



Kinda a novelty to write on though!

Day 51: Magic Gardens and Casting Call

What went well? 

1. Magic Gardens Trip!!! Bottom line: If you're in Philly, you should go. Seriously. I loved this place. It was super colourful and creative and expressive...look! Also, the whole trip (transport, entry, food) was covered by Stouffer. Thanks again, Stouffer!






























2. Auditioned for Opera Scenes. Sang Ach ich fühl's from Die Zauberflöte. It went really well, and the organisers gave me some really encouraging and positive feedback. Mindfulness definitely helps my singing, in terms of staying completely focused, in character, and putting the intention and deliberateness behind every phrase and word. It was this intensity that they commented on. Really looking forward to finding out what scenes they choose, and what I'll be singing!
3. Still got a lot of work done. Prepared most of my flashcards for my intro Buddhism mid-term on Wednesday. Just need to finish doing that, then plan my practice essays, and then memorise the key ideas (and page numbers for citations, yeah I know, what??).

What did I learn?

• I really enjoyed meeting new people on the trip today. Had some nice conversations, discovering commonalities. That's kinda the thing with just being willing to sign up for activities and opportunities by yourself - it just makes you more open to starting conversations with more people, thereby creating more opportunities for meeting awesome new people!

Miscellaneous thoughts 

This actually belongs more in yesterday's post, but it's something I've noticed in general at Penn. People here are frazzled. That's the word I would use. I walked into my lab meeting yesterday, and man, everyone was frazzled about everything they had to get done and all the pressures on them. And it's not just the students, as we were discussing in our lab meeting - this culture of frazzledness is pervasive, including faculty and researchers alike. I wondered if it was just a feature of academic careers per se, assuming that they're all high-pressure jobs where you fight to prove your worth for tenure, publish or perish etc., but apparently it is not the case. Rather, it really depends on the prestige and culture of each institution. Hence, it is something I will really have to take into consideration in future when thinking about graduate schools, post-doc positions and eventually where I would like to end up working. I don't know if I'd be willing to completely sacrifice work-life balance/stay long-term in an atmosphere described by a fellow peer as a "dark cloud" (I haven't really felt it, being just a temporary outsider, but have noticed the effects on others' morale and wellbeing) for the (numerous, actually) advantages of a top institution, but maybe it's something worth doing for a few years if it's an important career move. On the other hand, perhaps I would thrive in such conditions! Some do (or seem to, anyway). Stress per se isn't bad - it's our beliefs about stress, and our resources (especially social and psychological) that ultimately determine how we fare. I seem to be thriving here, but again, I have chosen a relatively light courseload and am under a lot less pressure in terms of grades. So I'll try and talk to some more faculty & graduate students and see what their impressions are.