Days 126-127: New York with family

So our great US family road trip has gotten off to a rocky start. We've learned many lessons. Such as:

• Be a traveller, not a tourist (i.e. don't buy a New York Pass, go on bus tours, or get around via the sightseeing bus). We ended up wasting a lot of time, and didn't make the most of our trip. Walking or subway is always faster!
• Take the weather into account before going up the Empire State Building! Here was the view yesterday:



From the 86th floor. A patch through the fog...






From the 102th floor. We bought the upgrade, not realising that it was zero visibility. Woops.

• Shit happens! The weather was just not on our side today either, and my parents didn't even get to see the Statue of Liberty which they were really looking forward to since it was actually stormy. And then, when they tried going to another museum, they got there 2 minutes after it closed. So unfortunate. (I ditched them after the failed attempt at seeing the Statue, and went to the Museum of Sex instead - which was actually pretty legit!). But hopefully this means that the rest of our trip might go a bit more smoothly?
• Try and see less, and see it better. I personally would prefer less photo-taking and more engagement.
• I don't think I could live in New York. Just wayyy too many people (aka tourists like me :P). But I haven't seen enough of it aside from Times Square, which is not really representative, so I should reserve judgement!
• US roads are so dark at night and pretty scary to drive on in the dark, especially with pouring rain. Even my dad, the expert driver, was finding it difficult to even stay in the lane!

But of course, there are always things that make me smile, like:

1. The moment we drove into the parking lot at Princeton even though a sign said "Do Not Enter' (you were supposed to drive to the next entry) and my mum was just like, "Well, I guess we have to enter". LOL.
2. Princeton is stunning.



Chapel. Someone was playing the organ beautifully inside. A moment of peace.









Dad and I under our Chinese zodiac animals.









Awesome fountain. Photo does not do it justice.

3. Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum!!!! So much awesomeness. I was literally confusing real people for wax models and wax models for real people.







4. Getting a really helpful reply from an academic I reached out to regarding a book chapter he'd written. He generously sent it so I could read it since I won't have access to a university library till August.
5. We had dinner at Hangawi, a Korean vegan restaurant!!! The food and the ambience made for an excellent and very satisfying experience. It was probably the highlight of my visit to New York this time. I will definitely come back next time I'm back in New York (I'm sure I'll have another opportunity to return). I recommend the stuffed shiitake mushroom appetiser especially.

Day 100: Spontaneous Saturday

What went well? 

Today was actually a cool day that I can say, yeah, that's a pretty cool story.

1. Visited the Morris Arboretum in the morning - the University owns this place. Enjoyed the sunshine and the nature.







  

2. A couple of guys started talking to us on the bus back. We ended up getting lunch/dinner with a bunch of people (who they'd also just met), then jamming with violin, electric guitar and ukelele, then going to the "Night Market" at Rodin Rooftop lounge with amazing performances by several cultural dance and arts groups. Totally random but awesome turn of events!!

3. Did my grocery shopping and my friend helped me to carry stuff back, which helped a lot.

What did I learn? 

• People at Penn respect culture a lot. Also, we have some amazing dance groups here, who really love to dance, put their hearts, intensity and energy into it, and are amazingly supportive of their team-mates. And everyone respects that.
• Good things happen when you clear your schedule and go with the flow. Just say yes!
• Writing this Buddhist paper brings up experiences that relate to Buddhist teachings. Like, dukkah. Oh my god, I feel so much unsatisfactoriness towards this paper at the moment. Just, MRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (my reaction every time I look at it). MRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Day 96: Passover Seder

What went well? 

1. Productivity is back (for the moment! everything is anicca (impermanent), after all...no grasping!), apparently. Got about 4200 words on the page for my Buddhism paper, with about 4.5 hours of work. A lot of this was direct quotes so I haven't actually paraphrased or "written" it properly yet, but it still feels good to get everything I think I want to include on the page, and to refresh my memory on the ideas - that's one thing I've found with this research - it's hard to keep track of all these complex ideas at the same time, and yet that's what's important for drawing connections. Will need to think about a system to deal with this issue for future work, especially things like theses and journal articles.
2. Went to a Passover seder, organised by a classmate. It was really interesting to gain some insight into Jewish culture, because I really don't know much about Judaism, and am actually quite interested in different religions now (not in converting to anything, but in understanding what people do and what it means to them). It was great to have this new experience. Also, I appreciated this:



3. Got a lot of potential RSVPs to my solo recital in two weeks! It will be lovely to have the support of friends there.

What did I learn? 

• Asana looks like a great tool for project management & organising communications. My mentor in Melbourne emailed me this morning about it, asking if I thought we should use it for our journal article project, so I checked it out and thought it looked great - definitely saves a lot of emailing and keeps communications in one place.
• Kosher (Jewish dietary restrictions) everything exists. Including Kosher coke?!?!?! (no corn syrup)

• Bits and pieces about Reform Jews and how they differ from Orthodox and Conservative Jews. The overall impression I got is that Reform Jews take a much more modern approach to their religion, trying to make it relevant to the modern context, and not taking the Torah as the law and direct word of God, but understanding that it was written by humans, for a certain time & place, even if it may have been divinely inspired. So even though it's still important to them, they interpret it with these considerations in mind. Reform Jews are also a lot more progressive in terms of welcoming gay/lesbian Jews, and also in terms of feminism.
• Even more impermanence. You know how it was absolutely gorgeous these past few days? No more!!! Storm. Wind. Cold. A massive worm massacre too, washed out by the rain...ew.

• A man was shot to death last night about 4 blocks away from where I live. But, as my friend puts it so eloquently in a Facebook status:



*snaps*. Oh god, I'm snapping! That is an American thing to do too btw.

Day 94: Sunshine and smiles

What went well? 

1. Ancient Voices concert went really well. It was the best we'd sung the pieces. After my 10-minute test on Wednesday, that'll be one subject down!
2. Hung out with my friend afterwards and went for a long walk to the art museum & back. We admired the cherry blossoms there and on campus (and also the squirrels. always squirrels.). It was so energising! And a GLORIOUS day. Again. Sunshine and 27 degrees celsius (Hello, NZ summer!) with a warm breeze.



Crazy selfie






Wind






Sunshine! I look ridiculously happy in this photo. 

3. Got a reply from the guy who gave the talk a couple weeks back about how digital tools can help bootstrap Chinese learning. He gave some really helpful suggestions and kindly offered to help me with the process and invited me to stay in touch! I'm actually pretty excited about this now, and I've realised that it's all about making learning personally meaningful by getting down to the why of why you want to develop a skill, and the specific content that is interesting and useful for you. I'm glad that digital tools can bypass a lot of boring stuff and help me get straight to translating stuff about positive psychology and mindfulness back and forth from Chinese & English. This is another thing I have gained from Penn - just by going to this talk, I got inspired to improve my Chinese - and I had no strong intentions of doing so prior to that! Interconnectedness is an amazing thing. If this didn't happen, then that wouldn't have happened...etc.
4. Got another 1600 words on the page for my Buddhism paper.

What did I learn? 

• This choir can pull it together really well. I think in the end, singing is a lot to do with attention. We often made mistakes during rehearsals, but were great in concert, and I think it is to do with the fact that we were all on the ball today.
• My level of Chinese has a term - "kitchen Chinese" - "i.e. a good basic mastery of the language and good pronunciation and tones, but just lacking a lot of specialized and "adult" vocabulary".

Day 93: Spring Fling!

What went well? 

1. Checked out the Fling happenings in the Quad and around campus (aka frat houses). Lived vicariously through observation (damn vocal health precautions!!!!). Anyhow, I have to say, this is the happiest and liveliest I have seen Penn (thanks, alcohol!). It was just a weekend of complete letting go. But everything contributed to it - the gorgeous weather, the activities in the quad, friends hanging out together, flowering trees...it's Spring!
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2. Went for a nice long run around University City and along the river. It's actually so beautiful outside at the moment. I realised that Penn's campus is even prettier in Spring - there are so many flowers and flowering trees everywhere!
3. Helped to publicise the upcoming Calm Clarity workshop at Penn, and someone in one of the Facebook groups I shared it too kindly offered to help spread the word further!
4. Despite getting much less done than I hoped I would (I'm going to blame it on Fling!! It's really hard to do stuff when you know everyone else on campus is having fun!), I'm going to give myself credit for at least finishing the etymology section for Western "mindfulness" (first draft, anyway), and finishing the explanation of the translation of the Buddhist sati into mindfulness.

What did I learn? 

• Spring Fling can be summarised as: "A weekend of complete hedonism."
• Also, Fling is a time when the cliqueyness of Penn is super salient! People in various groups (e.g. sororities, frats, clubs, performance groups) walk around in packs, wearing the same shirts (with some clever Fling + group-related slogan). So, from a social psychology POV, Fling is a lot about affirming group identity and a time of group bonding.
• Not everyone is a fan of Fling. One guy in my dorm thought that it's "pathetic", "for various reasons". I'm not sure what these reasons are, but I am intrigued.
• The "ugh" (feeling of resistance to tasks - e.g. writing papers) can be pretty strong sometimes. To overcome it, I printed out my notes, grabbed my notebook, and walked somewhere without my phone or laptop and started writing out the section by hand. I didn't get that far - two solid paragraphs - but it was something. In the meantime, I've given up (lack of sisu, the Finns would say!!) on the idea that I'll get anything more done today and am going to actually have an early night. I will be in bed by 10.30pm!!!

Day 92: Flourishing with illness

What went well? 

1. We had a great lab meeting today! Basically, one of our lab members has been working on making the experience of taking a well-being questionnaire more engaging, and she'd prepared a whole powerpoint to show us how she'd conceptualised a new design to take it online and provide meaningful, concrete feedback. It was exceptional. We were all blown away. I don't think I'd seen the post-doc we're working with so excited before. That really energised us all. We are a happy lab :) So now, we get to brainstorm characters that demonstrate varying levels of aspects that contribute to well-being, to make it more concrete especially for younger questionnaire-takers.
2. Got a lot of research assisting work done. See below.
3. Today was so warm. It was about NZ summer warm. Wheee!!

What did I learn? 

• It is absolutely uplifting and inspirational to be working with highly competent colleagues. They raise you up too and push you to be better. It's energising.
• It is possible to have symptoms of mental illness alongside elements of flourishing. I thought this seemed awfully contradictory and counterintuitive at first, but as I thought about it more and as we were discussing it in our lab meeting, it began to make a lot more sense. It isn't so paradoxical to imagine that someone can be struggling with symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress, and yet still have a deep sense of meaning and purpose, close relationships, be engaged in life, and contributing to their communities, for example. A Penn alumni who had made a huge impact on some people I knew, especially with his work on educating people about mindfulness, took his life on Monday, and I think that this idea of mental illness and flourishing coexisting makes this troubling event seem just slightly more coherent. This is why Keyes proposes a model of mental health with two axes - mental health and mental illness - and both can coexist. And we were talking about this apparent paradox may intensify the struggle for many people - i.e. if I'm struggling, than how is it possible that I'm still experiencing some form of wellbeing? So then, people have unrealistic and impossible expectations or ideas about what it means to be well - to be fully "happy" (often understood simplistically as just positive emotions). Yet being human is about embracing these paradoxes and embracing the richness of experiences that is life. One of the most important ideas I've learned this semester. And another reminder of how important it is to see the strengths and the good in others and yourself, no matter what else is going on in your life - and that it's possible to cultivate and appreciate more of the good to do something for yourself without necessarily ignoring, undermining or being obsessed with rejecting or getting rid of the "bad" (or, as I prefer, the "uncomfortable").



Source

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• This technique (I'm going to call it the "Productination List") works. I was procrastinating on writing my Buddhism paper today...so I ended up starting my literature search for the journal article I'm co-authoring, and then processing all of the email correspondence for the post-doc I'm working with. The idea behind the Productination List is that at any given time, you have a lot of things, projects, errands, tasks, that you need to get done (I think in any case, it's handy to have a list of current projects handy anyway, just so you have a clear picture of what's on your plate). These have different levels of priority. You should start with the hardest/highest priority task, but if that gets too hard and you just can't face it with your current level of cognitive resources/energy levels, you can move onto the next hardest task. If you can't face that either, then you move down the list to the next task. And so on. And if you can't do the easiest task, it's time to give up and take a nap. Hence, it's "productive procrastination", mitigating most of the potential damage. So my list might look something like this:
• Write Buddhism Paper
• Write Mindfulness Paper
• Literature search
• Research assisting work
• Write bio for concert program
• Pay bills
• Laundry
• It's a bit of a bummer to be a choir soloist when it's Spring Fling (like, the BIGGEST DEAL for undergraduates here)!!!! I would have loved to have joined in on the various shenanigans but having to sing on Sunday rules out a lot of things, including talking loudly for one thing. Meh. Will check out the happenings in the Quad tomorrow though (there's a carnival on there) and take photos.

Day 62: Richmond, Virginia

Today was a day of perfect timings for everything, plenty of nature, and good food! Although the main reason we came to Richmond was basically because it was on the East coast and we randomly picked it off the map, we found plenty of things to do here and had a pleasant day.

What went well? 

1. It was an early start. We got up at 5.50am to catch a 7.30am bus to Richmond. We got to the train station at about 6.30am and were wandering around looking lost because we couldn't find the actual station, but someone kindly asked what we were looking for and pointed us in the right direction, and we caught the train on time and therefore got to our bus on time.
2. Enjoyed sight-seeing in Richmond. We walked to Maymont estate, and walked around the sprawling, peaceful grounds and a tour of the mansion.










3. Also, went to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts! I can't believe this place was free too. Very extensive collection, and so interesting to see how much art varies according to time and place. Was also really impressed by the work they had on display from some high schoolers (the first three pictures):



The artist who drew this was 14!? Wut.



Clever.










...art?










4. Public transport in Richmond was super cheap. It was only $1.50 from Maymont to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts, and only $1.75 to our hotel (which was over an hour away by public transport - it would have been a 15 minute taxi ride, but we chose to save that money and put it towards good quality food since we didn't really have anything better to do in the evening).
5. The weather generally worked out really well. It didn't start raining until midday, when we'd walked around most of Maymont, so went and took shelter on the mansion tour. Then it rained while we were in the art museum and really pour when we were on the buses, but generally wasn't that bad when we were actually outside. Thanks, weather!
6. Found a great place for dinner (the HappyCow app has served us very well, showing us all the veg-friendly places close by). I got this miso tofu dish, and it was probably the best meal I've had since I've been in the US. I was inspired!

7. Satisfied my cupcake cravings induced by the sadness of Georgetown Cupcakes running out of vegan cupcakes yesterday. We walked down the street after dinner since we had some time to kill before the bus arrived, and found Carytown Cupcakes just down the street! And they had vegan cupcakes, woo!! So I got a lavender vanilla one and an apple cinnamon one. Totally savoured the lavender one, it was actually a perfect cupcake - perfectly moist, fluffy, and yummy. You would not be able to tell at all that it was vegan, and I can say that honestly since that statement does not apply to all vegan baking!!

8. Saw this on the street too and thought it was cute:

9. Our hotel was really, really good value! We stayed at Days Inn Richmond and it was only $45 for a double room. Yes, $22.50 each. Actually cheaper than an actual hostel. Including free wifi and free breakfast! Highly recommended!

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10. Proof-read the final study design for the new positive intervention we've been working on in our Positive Psychology lab!! It's actually super exciting to see it finally coming together and getting ready to be submitted for IRB approval and then unleashed onto the public!! Wheee!!

Woah that was a lot of WWW's. Hey, what can I say - it was a fab day!!

What did I learn? 

• You have to pay a $1 "exit fee" to get out of the metro system in DC. What!
• If you look sufficiently lost, people will help you :P
• Carytown cupcakes are awesome.
• Apparently, according to Victorian etiquette, it was not ok for two women to converse for more than 15-20 minutes. Bizarre!
• Just read that an Obesity gene has been identified, apparently. I find these genetic developments very interesting to follow, because it really creates questions about determinism, free will, and personal responsibility. What proportion of variance do genes account for? How much control do we really have? Hmmmmmm...

Day 35: Working Moms Dinner + Yet another Snow Day!

What went well? 

1. Class got cancelled today due to snow (yes, again) but the guest speaker got rescheduled so it was ok. Plus, I'm glad it wasn't Intro Buddhism or Sociology of Education that got cancelled - I would have been very sad to miss those awesome classes again!!
2. Got heaps of research done. Am starting to see some trends in the way "mindfulness" has been used historically. Earlier usages (16th-18th centuries) were primary in a Christian context, to do with ideas about awareness or memory (especially of God or his qualities), whereas in the Western psychological literature, the earliest usage was around the start of the 20th century, and uses were quite divergent in the first 80 or so years. Watch this space.
3. Went to a Stouffer event, a Working Moms dinner, where we had a conversation with four women working at Stouffer who are also mothers. It was really interesting and actually pretty enlightening. My key takeaways were:
1. There is never a perfect time to have a child. They will turn your life upside down regardless of when it happens.
2. What you think you want now may not be what you want in a few years' time. Keep an open mind and be creative with career possibilities.
3. There is no one solution for balancing your career with your family. It all depends on your personality and your unique situation including variables like the presence of family members, the supportiveness of your partner, whether your career is one where you can take a break, and your financial circumstances.
4. We should be talking about these issues, we shouldn't be afraid to mention that we have children (for fear of not being taken as seriously by other academics etc.), and if we have the power, we should be actively creating supportive workplaces if we want to change the culture and the structures.
5. A supportive partner is key.
6. There may be "seasons" where you focus on building your career, where your partner makes sacrifices for your career, where you make sacrifices for your partner's career, where you both make sacrifices for your family.

Day 25: Semi-Snow Day!

Today, it started snowing again...

So my new singing teacher couldn't come in, and neither could one of my professors. Which meant I suddenly had an unexpected 4 hours (the whole afternoon) freed up!

What went well? 

1. Went to the Platt Performing Arts House to practice (in the room where my singing lesson was meant to be) and the acoustics are so much better than the music building practice rooms. Seriously, it is demoralising when practicing in an acoustically dead room. Anyway, it looks like anyone can just kinda use the rooms when they haven't been booked, so I will check the printed bookings each week to see when they're technically free.
2. Finished all my readings for sociology of mental illness for the week. It was quite interesting to learn about how stigma can be conceptualised, and the effects of stigma.

What did I learn? 

• Buddhists sure came up with some seriously creative (and messed up) hells. Including one where mothers are swimming in pools of menstrual blood. Just...what. There are 16 hells, related to what you did, and the professor reckons he's definitely going to the one for people who verbally abuse their students :P.
• Stigma consists of the processes of labelling, stereotyping, separation, and discrimination, and must involve the exercise of power.

Miscellaneous thoughts 

• I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but security is high in all aspects of campus. You can't even get into the library without swiping your PennCard, and when you leave the library, you have to show them your open bag and hand them your books to make sure they've been checked out.

Day 20: Crashing faculty meetings

What went well?

1. Got my paperwork in for music lessons for credit 2 hours before the deadline.
2. Intro to Buddhism lecture. I think this is going to be a regularly recurring WWW, but seriously, it's that good. e.g. to illustrate the concept of "karma" as simply meaning chains of effect and causality, the professor suggested all the possible effects if he punched a student in the face: he'd probably get beaten up by his friends, get fired, students would post on twitter, it would get in the news, etc etc.
3. Caught up with a new friend for coffee today, had a lovely chat, and it turned out that I was going to audit the lecture she was also going to afterwards.
4. That said lecture was for positive psychology, and the professor was super efficient and absolutely clear even while talking super fast and going super fast in general. I think it'll be a great class to audit.

What did I learn?

• Double-check anything you're putting into your calendar. So I turned up to the Solomon building (where the Psychology department lives) this afternoon for a colloquium, found the room, and was about to take a seat when I was informed that it was a faculty meeting. Checked the event page and turns out it was on Monday. WOOPSIES.
• Religions edit their scriptures all the time to take out the bits they don't like, and Buddhism is no different. But with all the edits they did, they never removed the gruesome details about the Buddha's death - namely, getting food poisoning from eating rancid pig, getting bloody diarrhoea, and then dying from that. No wise and impressive final words, just deliriousness. Man, that is a depressing story. So why keep it? To show that the Buddha was a human - just like everyone else, he got old, got sick, and died. He was born a man, and died a man.
• There's a U-shaped distribution for life satisfaction, declining from 18 years, at its lowest at 50-53 years, and then life gets consistently better from then onwards! You hear that, mum & dad? You can expect good things from now onwards! ;)



Graph from Stone, Schwartz, Broderick, & Deaton (2010)

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Miscellaneous bits and pieces

Lecture hall for Sociology of Mental Illness.

Just FYI, it's ok to wear gumboots on campus. People do that here. I wasn't sure before I started seeing them everywhere, hence why I ended up buying better boots for the snow. But if you have tramping/hiking boots, you can wear those too! People do that too.

Day 16: More research, more snow

What went well?

1. Woke up to an invite to an Art Initiation run by the Penn Art Appreciation Society:
• For two weeks, PAAS has been preparing the very first meeting of her new members. During this 45-minute session, we wish to usher you into the world of great art and endow you with as much as art knowledge as we possibly can. Submerged in a relaxing atmosphere with music and tea, we will settle in an art salon and talk about what we see in two interesting paintings. Then we will gather in the Academia of Art in nineteenth century Paris to learn an important and pleasurable painting style. In the next 10 minutes, we will turn through the pages of Art History 101 and 102, travel across time and space to witness all major art movements from ancient times all the way to the contemporary.
• It was meant to be tomorrow, but got postponed due to snow - still, am really looking forward to it when it happens!
2. This video of Renée Fleming's appearance on the David Letterman Show made me laugh so much. Really looking forward to watching her perform in Rusalka at the Met in 3 weeks!!
3. Managed to sort through all the journal articles I downloaded for relevance & topics they address.
• But I am tearing my hair out at the moment trying to find "the gap." There's actually been so much written on this topic (how modern day mindfulness relates to Buddhism - I have over 60 potential references), it'll be a challenge to find out what original contribution I can make to the discussion...

What did I learn?

• When in doubt, wear snow-appropriate boots. I made the horrible mistake of wearing my runners to the gym (novel idea, right?), even while aware that it had been snowing all day and there was slush and snow all over the ground. Plus, these runners are the kind with "ventilation" in the bottom. So I worked out with completely soaked shoes. At least they dried in no time on top of the heating grill in my room.
• The definition of mindfulness is a highly contested topic. No psychological operationalisation can really capture everything it embodies.
• Saw this on Facebook. ....'Merica.

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